Funny Comedy Joke Blog

Women Ass Size Study

2011-11-06T22:46:00.002-05:00

Missle Toe and a Duck Joke

2010-11-07T12:14:00.002-05:00

The age old question, lf an athlete gets athletes foot does an astronaut get missle toe ?

A duck bought some chapstick and the clerk says " will that be cash ?" and the duck says, "Just put it on my Bill"

Funniest comercial ever perhaps

2010-09-15T08:04:00.000-04:00

Ok this may be the funniest commercial I can remember seeing but ..fair warning ...it usually runs late at night and is a bit pg13. The Axe Detailer cleans your balls ...your sports balls...what were you thinking.

Axe Detailer Cleans Your Balls - The funniest home videos are here

college dorm joke

2010-01-31T10:49:00.000-05:00

The RA began, "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, so too the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $180. Are there any questions?"

At this, a male student in the crowd inquires, "Er... How much for a season pass?"

Lawyer Jokes are truth in humor

2010-01-25T09:14:00.002-05:00

A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. To his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the laywer was, and greeted him warmly. Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line, and into a comfortable chair by his desk.
The lawyer said, "I don't mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?"
St. Peter replied, "Well, I've added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!"

You've Got Alot To See From Family Guy

2010-01-17T21:35:00.000-05:00

Youve Got A Lot To See
Lyrics
From The Family Guy

The sixties brought the hippie breed / And decades later, things have changed indeed / We lost the values, but we kept the weed / You've got a lot to see / The Reagan years have laid the frame / For movie stars to play the White House game / We're not to far from voting Feldman-Haim / You've got a lot to see / The town of Vegas / Has got a different face / 'Cause it's a family place / With lots to do / Where in the fifties / A man could mingle with scores / Of all the seediest whores / Well now his children can too / You heard it from the canine's mouth / The country's changed, that is except the South / And you'll agree / No one really knows, my dear lady friend / Just quite how it all will end / So hurry, 'cause you've got a lot to see / The baldness gene was cause for dread / But that's a fear that you can put to bed / They'll shave your ass and glue it on your head / You've got a lot to see / The PC age has moved the bar / A word like "redneck" is a step too far / The proper term is "country music star" / You've got a lot to see / Our flashy cell phones / Make people mumble, "Gee whiz" / "Look how important he is" / "His life must rule" / You'll get a tumor / But on your surgery day / The doc will see it and say / "Wow, you must really be cool" /

Senior Citizen Jokes List

2009-02-08T11:02:00.001-05:00

Complete list of Senior Citizen, older folks jokes ...apply to John McCain at your own risk.

We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the "seniors' Special" was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $1.99. "Sounds good," my wife said. "But I don't want the eggs." "Then I'll have to charge you $2.49 because you're ordering a la carte," the waitress warned her. "You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?" my wife asked incredulously. "YES!!" stated the waitress. "I'll take the special then." my wife said. "How do you want your eggs?" the waitress asked. "Raw and in the shell," my wife replied. She took the two eggs home.

An elderly gentleman... had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100% The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again. Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. Ive changed my will three times!

An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly." The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?" The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know... The one that's red and has thorns." "Do you mean a rose?" "Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"

Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital. After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him. "I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."

A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember. Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. "Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?" he asks. "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?" "Sure." "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks. "No, I can remember it." "Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it?" He says, "I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries." "I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?" she asks. Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!" Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment. "Where's my toast?"

Three old guys are out walking. First one says, "Windy, isn't it?" Second one says, "No, it's Thursday!" Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."

A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect." "Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"

"Twelve thirty"Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?" Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: "Get a hot mamma and be cheerful." The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, "You've got a heart murmur; be careful."

Blonde Jokes are Good n FUnny

2009-01-24T19:22:00.004-05:00

Three blonds were taking a walk in the country when they came upon a line of tracks. The first blond said, "Those must be deer tracks!" The second blond said, "No, stupid, anyone can tell those are rabbit tracks!" The third said, "No, you idiots, those are horse tracks!" They where still arguing ten minutes later when a train hit them.
==========================
Buffy noticed a student walking
up and down the street, wearing a sandwich
board that read "Free Big Mac!"

Strolling over with a look of concern,
the blonde asked, "Why? What'd he do?"

=========================

Two blondes lock thier keys in the car. One of the blondes tries to break into the car while the the other one watches.

Finally the first blonde says "Darn, I can't get in the car!" The other blond replies, "keep trying, it looks like it is going to rain and the top is down".
==============
Once upon a time there was a blonde with long hair, blue eyes, she was sick of all the blonde jokes.

One day, she decided to get a make over, so she cut and dyed her hair.

She also went out and bought a new convertible.

She went driving down a country road and came across a herd of sheep.

She stopped and called the sheepherder over.

"That's a nice flock of sheep.", she said.

"Well thank you.", said the herder. "Tell you what. I have a proposition for you.", said the woman.

"Okay.", replied the herder.

"If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?", asked the woman. "Sure.", said the sheepherder.

So, the girl sat up and looked at the herd for a second and then replied, "382".

"Wow.", said the herder. "That is exactly right.

Go ahead and pick out the sheep you want to take home."

So the woman went and picked one out and put it in her car.

Upon watching this, the herder approached the woman and offered, "Okay, now I have a proposition for you".

"What is it?", queried the woman.

"If I can guess the real color of your hair... can I have my dog back?"

High Life Common Sense Party

2009-01-07T21:34:00.001-05:00

Miller Beer Ad that tells it like it is ..it is TIME for a new political party. The MIDDLE party ...the COMMON SENSE PARTY ..>SIMPLE

Twas The Night Before Christmas - Redneck Christmas Edition

2008-12-07T20:38:00.003-05:00

Twas The Night Before Christmas
A Red Neck Christmas
One of the TEN Nights Before Christmas at YoooHaaa.com

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the trailer
Not a creature was stirrin' 'cept a redneck named Taylor.
His first name was Bubba, Joe was his middle,
And a-runnin' down his chin was a trickle of spittle.
His socks, they were hung by the chimney with care,
And therefore there was a foul stench in the air.

That Bubba got scared and rousted the boys.
There was Rufus, 12 Jim Bob was 11
Dud goin' on 10 Otis was 7.
John, George and Chucky Were 5,4, and 3:
The twins were both girls so they let them be.

They jumped in their overalls, no need for a shirt,
Threw a hat on each head, then turned with a jerk.
They ran to the gun rack that hung on the wall.
There were 17 shotguns they grabbed them all.

Bubba said to the young'uns, "now hesh up ya'll!
The last thing we wanna do is wake up yer Maw."
Maw was expecting and needed her sleep,
So out they crept out the door without making a peep.

They all looked around, and then they all spit.
The young'uns asked Bubba, "Paw, what is it?"
Bubba just stared he could not say a word.
This was just like all of The stories he'd heard.

It was Santy Claus on the roof, darn tootin'
But the boys didn't know they was about to start shootin'!
They aimed their shotguns and nearly made a mistake
That would have resulted in venison steak.
Bubba hollered out, "don't shoot, boys!"
That's Santy Claus And he's brought us some toys.

The dogs were a-barkin' and a-raisin' cain,
And Bubba whistled, and shouted, and called them by name.
"Down, Spot! shut up Bullet! quiet, Roscoe and Enos!
Git, Turnip and Tater and Sam and Bosco!"

"Git down from that porch! git down off that wall!
Quit shakin the trailer, or you'll make Santy fall!"
The dogs kept a-barkin' and wouldn't shut up,
And they trampled poor Pete Who was only a pup.

Santy opened his bag, And threw out some toys.
Bubba got most, but left a few for the boys.
Since the guns had been dropped he just might not die.

He jumped in his sleigh, told his reindeer to hurry.
The trailer started to wobble santa started to worry.
Just as the reindeer got into the air,
The trailer collapsed, but Bubba didn't care.

He was busy lookin' at all his new toys.
Then a thought hit him, and he said to the boys:
"Go check on yer Maw, make sure she's all right.
That roof fallin' on her could-a hurt just a might."

But Maw was OK, and the girls were too.
They fixed up the trailer it looked good as new.
And as for Bubba, he liked Old St. Nick,
But Santa thought Bubba was a pure-in-tee hick!

Bubba had a nice Christmas, and the boys did, too.
And the Taylors wish a Yee Haw Merry Christmas to you!!!

Funny --You Use THAT for SeX ???

2008-11-18T10:00:00.001-05:00

You Use THAT for Sex ???

A man doing market research knocked on a door. He was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet.

He says, "I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?"

She says, "Yes. My husband and I use it all the time."

"And if you don't mind me asking, what do you use it for?"

"We use it for sex."

The researcher was a little taken back. He replied with candor, "Usually people lie to me and say that they use it on a child's bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. Since you've been frank so far, can you tell me exactly how you use it for sex?"

The woman says, "I don't mind telling you at all. My husband and I put it on the door knob to keep the kids out."

A kids view and explanation of Politics

2008-11-02T10:24:00.002-05:00

YOU BETCHA !

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?"Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the people. The nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense." So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now." The father says, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."

Another Cat Joke

2008-09-28T08:30:00.001-04:00

Cat On A Hot Tin Roof

A man left his cat with his brother while he went on vacation for a week. When he came back, the man called his brother to see when he could pick the cat up. The brother hesitated, then said, ''I'm so sorry, but while you were away, the cat died." The man was very upset and yelled, ''You know, you could have broken the news to me better than that. When I called today, you could have said he was on the roof and wouldn't come down. Then when I called the next day, you could have said that he had fallen off and the vet was working on patching him up. Then when I called the third day, you could have said he had passed away.'' The brother thought about it and apologized. "So how's Mom?" asked the man. "She's on the roof and won't come down."

Golfers and Sky Diver Joke

2008-09-28T08:28:00.000-04:00

Whats the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
A bad golfer goes: WHACK..."Damn"!

A bad Skydiver goes: "Damn"!...WHACK.

A Funny Parrot Joke

2008-09-28T08:25:00.000-04:00

So there's this fella with a parrot. And this parrot swears like a sailor. I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself.
Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy.
One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT !".
But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever.
Then the guy gets mad and says, "OK for you", and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird, and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of vulgarities that would make a veteran sailor blush.
At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds, there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets very very quiet.
At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens up the freezer door.
The bird calmly climbs onto the man's outstretched arm and says: "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you. I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on."
The man is astounded. He can't understand the transformation that has come over the parrot. Then the parrot says, "By the way, what did the chicken do?"

barack obama jokes

2008-08-25T22:35:00.000-04:00

a friend emailed this collection of obama jokes

"Barack Obama now says he is open to offshore oil drilling. So, apparently, when he promised change, he was talking about his mind." --Jay Leno

"Italy is designing clothing based on how Barack Obama dresses. And I said, well, yes, that will connect him with the angry working-class voters." –David Letterman

"After a quick meet-and-greet with King Abdullah, Obama was off to Israel, where he made a quick stop at the manger in Bethlehem where he was born." --Jon Stewart, on Barack Obama's Middle East trip
Today in Berlin, Barack Obama spoke to a crowd of over 200,000 people. In fact, he was so eager to please the Germans, he promised he'd name David Hasselhoff as vice president." --Jay Leno

"Obama's camp initially agreed that the cartoon was, quote, tasteless and offensive. Really? You know what your response should have been? It's very easy. Here, let me put the statement out for you. Barack Obama is in no way upset about the cartoon that depicts him as a Muslim extremist, because you know who gets upset about cartoons? Muslim extremists. Of which Barack Obama is not. It's just a f**king cartoon." --Jon Stewart
"Barack Obama's two daughters are very excited, because I guess Barack Obama promised the kids that after the election he's going to get them a dog. That's the thing, they're all excited, he's going to get them a dog after the election. And the good news -- Jesse Jackson has offered to neuter it, so I think that's terrific." --Jay Leno

"The other day the plane that Barack Obama was on had some mechanical difficulties and was forced to land. Well, the National Transportation Safety Board did an inspection on the plane, and you know what they found? The bolts on the plane were fine, but apparently Jesse Jackson had taken some of the nuts off." --Jay Leno

"I'm sure you know by now, Jesse Jackson was overheard saying, and I'll put this more delicately, that he wanted to cut Barack Obama's testicles off. And Jesse has been on several news programs the last couple of days, explaining what he meant by those comments. Do you need to explain that?" --Jay Leno

"Insiders claim that even though Jesse Jackson supports Barack Obama publicly for president, privately he doesn't like him. You know, it's kind of like Bill with Hillary." --Jay Leno

"Today Jesse tried to reach out to Obama, and Obama said, 'Keep your hands where I can see them!'" --Jay Leno

"Jesse Jackson also said he thought Barack Obama was talking down to black people by lecturing on things like fatherhood and being a responsible husband. Jesse thought it was insulting, not only to him, but to his former mistress and their lovechild." --Jay Leno

"Barack Obama is now denying that he is email pals with the beautiful actress, Scarlett Johansson. Remember that story? They were saying that Scarlett Johansson and Barack Obama were emailing each other. He says no, it's not true. In fact his exact words were 'I did not have textual relations with that woman.'" --Jay Leno

"Well, the Democrats are now preparing for their convention in Denver, and they have hired the first ever director of greening. They say that this year that everything about their convention will be green, including nominating a candidate who's only been a senator for a couple of years." --Jay Leno

"Barack Obama is campaigning very hard, going everywhere these days to get the vote out. Barack Obama's staff recently announced that Barack is planning to hold a campaign event at a NASCAR race. Yeah. The event will be called 'Meet your first black guy.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton campaigned for the first time together in Unity, New Hampshire, today. Isn't that cute? Unity, New Hampshire. For real. Their tour goes from Unity to Tolerate, Rhode Island; and Getting on My Nerves, Virginia; and then Crazy Makeup Sex, California." --Jimmy Kimmel

"You know. People really like Barack Obama because he's an inspirational speaker. But he was not the first one -- I was checking my presidential history -- he was not the first candidate to use the phrase 'Yes we can!' Bill Clinton frequently used that on interns." --David Letterman

"Both McCain and Senator Barack Obama are trying to woo voters who are outside their natural demographic. In this election, for Senator Obama, that means trying to reach working class, non-Muslim white women who love America." --Jon Stewart

"Hey, have you heard this story that Barack Obama and Scarlett Johansson are apparently e-mail buddies? Scarlett Johansson is quoted as saying, 'My heart belongs to Barack Obama.' How about that, huh? Barack's not even president yet, still doing waaay better than Bill Clinton ever did." --Jay Leno

"Barack Obama was speaking to a Jewish group, and he told them that his name Barack is the same as the Jewish word 'baruch,' which means one who's blessed. That's what he said, yeah. Obama had a harder time explaining his middle name, Hussein. Things got quiet there." –Conan O'Brien

"It was quite a weekend, politically. Yesterday, an estimated 75,000 people attended a Barack Obama rally on the banks of the the Willamette River. ... And if you believe the media, listen to this. After the rally, Barack Obama fed them all with just five loaves of bread and two fish. Amazing!" --Jay Leno

"Barack's former pastor, Jeremiah Wright, the guy is everywhere. ... He's making speeches. He's on the radio. And Reverend Wright says he'd rather just go home and retire, but the money Hillary is paying him is so good." --Jay Leno

"Of course, the Republicans will not let this Reverend Wright controversy die. You know, they're trying to keep it in the news. Like, today they said for the wedding of President Bush's daughter, he's gonna be the minister." --Jay Leno

"Barack Obama's former pastor, Reverend Wright, is now traveling the country trying to explain those controversial remarks he made in some of his sermons. And even Barack Obama is starting to admit it's hurting his campaign. In fact, you know what Barack Obama did today to distract reporters from Reverend Wright? He went bowling again." --Jay Leno

"Hillary Clinton said if her pastor had made the comments that Reverend Wright had made, she would have left that church. Interesting distinction she makes. She also says if her pastor had been blown by Monica Lewinsky, she would have stayed." --Bill Maher

"Barack Obama addressed some of the more controversial comments made by his long-time minister, Jeremiah Wright. The guy said some crazy stuff, like, gays caused 9/11, Hurricane Katrina was God's revenge for our sins. Oh, I'm sorry. That's Pat Robertson. That's the other side's nutball minister. I'm sorry. You know, there's so many nutball ministers in this thing, I'm confused as to which one is on which side." --Jay Leno

"According to a new poll, Barack Obama has a 24-point lead over Hillary Clinton in North Carolina. Obama is doing particularly well with one important demographic: voters." --Amy Poehler

"Everyone is so concerned now where all of the candidates are born. McCain was born on a military base in Panama. Hillary was born outside Chicago, and if you believe the media, Barack Obama was born in a manger." --Jay Leno

"Barack Obama, of course, in the news. This weekend, Senator Barack Obama tried bowling. And his bowling score was a very low 37 -- terrible score, 37, yeah. Afterwards, Obama told reporters, 'That's it, no more white guy sports for me. That's it.' He canceled his weekend at Hockey Camp." --Conan O'Brien

"Barack Obama called Hillary today to thank her for distracting everyone away from the whole crazy pastor thing. Obama's campaign is all about hope -- hope Hillary keeps saying stupid crap and getting herself in trouble." --Craig Ferguson

"Barack Obama gave a big speech on race, and there was one heckler in the audience, kept screaming crazy stuff the whole time. Turns out it was his pastor." --Jay Leno

"Last night was the final Democratic debate. ... I guess one of the big stories was that Barack Obama had a little bit of trouble last night. He is so smooth and he's so good, but last night he had a little trouble. Last night, during the debate, Barack Obama mispronounced the word 'Massachusetts' twice and then mispronounced the word 'filibuster.' Yeah, which explains why this morning, Obama was endorsed by President Bush." --Conan O'Brien

"I don't know if you have seen this. It's everywhere. They have a controversial photo of Barack Obama wearing a turban. It's been circulating on the Internet. Yeah, the turban photo should help Obama with a key group of voters, the New York taxi drivers." --Conan O'Brien

"This is a big scandal. Yesterday, someone released a photo of Barack Obama wearing a traditional African dress. Yeah, as a result, Barack has been offered a starring role in 'Big Momma's House 3.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Oh, and Barack Obama made another woman faint today. The bad news, it was Hillary when she saw the poll numbers." --Jay Leno

"The founders of Ben & Jerry's ice cream are endorsing Barack Obama instead of Hillary Clinton, which makes sense because Baracky Road is a catchier name for an ice cream than Pantsuits and Cream." --Conan O'Brien

"Senator Hillary Clinton has now lost eight primaries in a row to Barack Obama. Hillary dismissed Obama's success by saying, 'He's only winning states with a huge African-American population -- like Maine.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Congratulations to presidential candidate Barack Obama. He won a Grammy last night for best spoken word album. Boy, there's four words you haven't heard in the same sentence in a while -- 'presidential' and 'best spoken word.'" --Jay Leno

"Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton locked horns for a debate that was broadcast on CNN. The tone was much more friendly than their last meeting. In fact, they even shared a room together afterwards. That would be great revenge on Bill for Monica Lewinsky -- Barack and Hillary making sweet, hot, post-debate love. How furious would Oprah be?" --Jimmy Kimmel

"Did you all see Barack Obama and Hillary last night at that debate? Did you see them sitting side by side, staring at the camera? They looked like one of those bad local eyewitness news teams. 'Let's go to Barack for the weather. Thank you, Hillary.'" --Jay Leno

"I hope it is Barack Obama. ... Him running against either the mannequin or Grandpa Munster. Hillary Clinton is great. I just think it's time America heard the words, 'And now for something completely different.'" --Bill Maher

"You see Barack Obama at that rally surrounded by all those Kennedys? Man, I couldn't tell if he was running for president or bartender." --Jay Leno

"Some sad news today for Barack Obama. Did you hear about this? Apparently, he's been endorsed by former candidate, John Kerry. Just when things are going so well." --Jay Leno

"Bill Clinton lashed out at Barack Obama yesterday, he accused him of running a fairy tale campaign. It's a fairy tale in which a horny king tries to get his queen elected to the White House so he can go out and fornicate with maidens, and then a handsome black prince comes along and screws the whole thing up for him. So, you can see why he's very upset." --Jimmy Kimmel

"Well, congratulations to Barack Obama, the big winner of the Democratic caucus. Stunning victory. He got 57% of the youth vote, 35% of the female vote, and 100% of Iowa's black vote, a guy named Larry." --Jay Leno

"Did you hear that Dick Cheney and Barack Obama are cousins? It's strange, isn't it? In a related story, 20 years ago, it turns out Rudy Giuliani was briefly married to himself. ... Obama and Cheney are actually cousins, but Barack did not inherit the family sneer." --David Letterman

"Vice President Dick Cheney's wife, Lynne Cheney, said that Barack Obama and Dick Cheney are related. She said they are actually eighth cousins. ... Lynne Cheney says that Obama and Dick Cheney's connection was the result of one of Obama's ancestors marrying one of Cheney's ancestors in 1650. Even more interesting, you know who introduced them in 1650? Bob Dole." --Jay Leno

"Isn't that amazing, Obama and Cheney related? Dick Cheney now has more blacks and gays in his own family than in the entire Republican Party." --Jay Leno

"During an interview, Vice President Dick Cheney's wife said that Vice President Cheney and Barack Obama are actually distant cousins. When Dick Cheney found out, he said, 'I knew there was something creepy about that guy.'" --Conan O'Brien

"In New York, Catholic groups have forced an art gallery to shut down an exhibition of a six-foot image of Jesus in chocolate. Or, as Democrats call it, Barack Obama." --Bill Maher

"Did you see this today about Barack Obama? Genealogy research has revealed that Obama's great-great-grandfather was born in Ireland. Oh great, now he won't be Irish enough for people." --Bill Maher

"According to a new report by a genealogy company, Barack Obama's great-great-great-grandfather was born in Ireland. Yeah, that should really solidify Obama's support among Irish African-Americans raised in Hawaii." --Conan O'Brien

"Did you hear the latest about Barack Obama? He comes from a family of slave owners. He's black, but he's half white. Apparently, on his mother's side, which is the white side, they owned slaves. The Barack Obama camp is going to deny it, but his approval ratings in the South shot up 27 points." --Bill Maher

"Presidential candidate Barack Obama was endorsed by former Senator Tom Daschle of South Dakota. Daschle is the first major Democrat to endorse Obama, and the first person in South Dakota to see a black man." --Conan O'Brien

"Senator Hillary Clinton and Senator Barack Obama have been sniping at each other back and forth. It's getting ugly. The good news for Obama is, all this bickering with Hillary is making him look presidential." --Conan O'Brien

"Senator Barack Obama was in Los Angeles last night for a huge campaign fundraiser. That shows you what a great country this is -- when an African-American with a Kansas mother and a Kenyan father, who spent time growing up in Indonesia and is running for president, spending time in a state where Spanish-speaking people have elected an Austrian governor." --Jay Leno

"Over the weekend, Senator Barack Obama announced he's running for president. ... Obama gave a speech in front of thousands of people in Iowa. During the speech, Obama pointed out his family in the crowd, which was unnecessary since he was in Iowa." --Conan O'Brien

"Over the weekend, Senator Barack Obama visited New Hampshire and thousands of people showed up to hear him speak. The New Hampshire crowds were excited, because apparently, this is the first time they've ever seen an African-American." --Conan O'Brien

"The Reverend Jesse Jackson told CNN that he's planning to endorse Barack Obama for president. Experts say this is a risky move for Jackson, because hardly anything rhymes with 'Barack Obama.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Senator Barack Obama proposed for the first time setting a deadline for withdrawing troops from Iraq, as part of a broader plan aimed at bolstering his foreign policy credentials. Because if you don't know your foreign policy, you might only get elected president twice." -- Amy Poehler

"Momentum continues for Barack Obama's campaign. Actually, do you know what Barack Obama's middle name is? Hussein. Could've been worse. Could've been Kerry." --Jay Leno

"Presidential candidate Barack Obama says he's going to quit smoking. Which is good news for Hillary Clinton. Now that he's breathing down her neck, she won't have to worry about second-hand smoke." --Jay Leno

Senator Hillary Clinton is back from her fact-finding trip to Iraq. She had to cut the trip short because she had to address a growing threat here at home -- Barack Obama." --Jay Leno

"Now that his potential presidential campaign is gaining strength, people are getting more and more interested in the origin of the fascinating name, Barack Obama. Turns out Barack Obama translates to 'Hillary's worst nightmare'" --Jay Leno

"Senator Obama answered doubts about his inexperience by saying he has gained tremendous insight from his work as a community organizer, civil rights attorney, constitutional law professor, key club president, 4H treasurer, lunch room monitor, two years of jazz, and four years of tap." --Amy Poehler

"Senator Barack Obama has jumped into the presidential race. ... That's the big rumor. Barack will officially announce on the 'Oprah' show. I think Hillary will announce on 'Trading Spouses,' and of course, John Kerry will announce on 'The Biggest Loser.'" --Jay Leno

"Barack Obama was in New Hampshire Sunday. When informed of this, President Bush excitedly asked, 'Did we catch 'em?' --Seth Meyers

Barack Obama is suffering from a bad headache today. His former pastor, Reverend Wright, is back out there. Reverend Wright gave an interview earlier tonight on PBS with Bill Moyers, and he said he's gotten over a million emails and phone calls telling him to keep on speaking out, and every one of them came from Hillary Clinton. It was amazing." --Jay Leno

"The State Department announced today the most dangerous place in the world is no longer the Mideast, it is now between Reverend Jeremiah Wright and a microphone." --Jay Leno

best joe biden jokes

2008-08-25T22:30:00.002-04:00

"Joe Biden, on the day of announcing his candidacy for president of the United States, called Barack Obama 'the first mainstream African-American who is articulate, bright and clean.' I think we've seen the shortest presidential campaign in history." --Jay Leno

"In a speech in Washington, D.C., Delaware Senator Joe Biden said although he wants to be president, he'd rather be at home making love to his wife. Which is ironic, because Bill Clinton said the same thing. He said he'd rather be home making love to Joe Biden's wife too." --Jay Leno

"Actually, Joe Biden looked pretty good. In fact, Joe's popularity has gone from 1% to 2% last week to 3% today. At this rate, he could win the nomination by the year 2032." --Jay Leno

"There was another big Democratic debate last night in Philadelphia. Seven candidates on stage debating. Seven, which, sadly, for Joe Biden, is the biggest crowd he's ever drawn." --Jay Leno

A team of astronauts, engineers and scientists have asked the United Nations to make plans to deflect a giant asteroid that could hit Earth on April 13, 2036. There's a one in 45,000 chance it could hit. So it's about the same chance Joe Biden has of being president." --Jay Leno

"Another presidential debate last night. One of 90 scheduled before the election in November next year. Democrats gathered at Howard University in Washington, DC. Joe Biden talked about AIDS in the black community. He's against it and he had some interesting things to say [on screen: Biden saying he and Barack Obama have been tested for AIDS]. It looks like Joe Biden has the African American vote wrapped up" --Jimmy Kimmel

"Have you watched any of these confirmation hearings for Supreme Court nominee Sam Alito? Senators are given thirty minutes to question the guy: thirty minutes exactly. Senator Joe Biden’s question took 23 1/2 minutes. His question took 24 minutes. And Alito is smart. He’s brilliant. Do you know what he said? 'I'm sorry, could you repeat the question?'" --Jay Leno

Murphy's Ten Lesser Known Laws

2008-08-03T09:10:00.000-04:00

Murphy's 10 lesser known laws:

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

3. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

4. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented dunce.

5. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

6. The things that come to those who wait will be the things left by those who got there first.

7. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll sit in a boat all day drinking beer

8. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

9. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

10. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

kids do funny things don't they ?

2008-08-03T09:07:00.001-04:00

PARENTS HAVE LEARNED THE FOLLOWING THROUGH THEIR LITTLE DARLING CHILDREN

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

3. A 3-year old Boy's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound Boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit . A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words 'uh oh', it's already too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A six-year old Boy can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old Man says they can only do it in the movies.

10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old Boy.

11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15. VCR's do not eject 'PB & J' sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18. You probably DO NOT want to know what that odor is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20. The fire department in Austin , TX has a 5-minute response time.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24. 80% of Women will pass this on to almost all of their friends, with or without kids.

25. 80% of Men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

A Cat Story with a twist

2008-08-03T08:23:00.002-04:00

A cat story

We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Year's Eve Party. We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi.The taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house. The cat we had put out in the yard scooted back into the house. We didn'twant the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird.My wife went out to the taxi, while I went inside to get the cat. The cat ran upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife didn't want the driver to know that thehouse would be empty for the night. So, she explained to the taxi driverthat I would be out soon, "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."A few minutes later, I got into the cab. "Sorry I took so long," I said as we drove away. "The old girl was hiding under the bed. I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off,soI grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a blanket to keepher from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat behind downstairsand threw her out into the back yard!"

The cab driver hit a parked car...

Why Parents Drink ..a Letter To Mom

2008-07-13T09:10:00.001-04:00

WHY PARENTS DRINK

A mother passing by her sons bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to Mom. With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.

Dear Mom:

It is with great regret that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I have been finding real passion with Stacey and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing's, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am.

But she's not only the passion of my life Mom, she is pregnant. Stacey said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacey has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We will be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy. In the meantime, we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacey can get better. She deserves it.

Don't worry, Mom. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.

Love,

Your Son Jon

P.S. Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my center desk drawer.

I love you.......Call me when its safe to come home

murphys law

2008-06-15T11:09:00.000-04:00

fathers day joke

2008-06-15T11:08:00.000-04:00

The dad in the supermarket clearly had a bad case of parental burnout. His toddler would not sit down in the grocery cart, and finally he snapped. "If you fall and break your leg," he scolded her, "don't come running to me."

billy ray cyrus father of the year of hannah montana ? NOT

2008-06-15T11:03:00.002-04:00

Lets sarcastically nominate Billy Ray cyrus for father of the year ...considering that he let hannah montana take those pictures recently ..

New ElectionYear Jokes

2008-03-29T17:49:00.000-04:00

Election Year Jokes:

No, Hillary now says that she just made an honest mistake when she said she had to duck sniper fire in Bosnia. There was no hostile fire of any kind. Although, ironically, while she was away, Bill Clinton did see some action." --Jay Leno
"Of course, this has hurt Hillary's claim that she's the candidate with the most experience. Like, when Hillary said she went to 80 countries, turns out she only wanted to go to one country, but she had booked it through Priceline.com." --Jay Leno
"It's getting nasty. Hillary and Barack really going at it. They're insulting each other, trading barbs, attacking each other's credibility. In fact, the only break they take from attacking each other is when they promise the American people, if elected, they can unite the country." --Jay Leno
"Here is exciting news for the Spring in New York City. Ringling Brothers Circus is at Madison Square Garden. It's a tremendous show if you folks haven't been there. They have a female contortionist who is so good that Eliot Spitzer sent over a drink." --David Letterman

The new governor of New York is having an interesting week. David Paterson, who is legally blind, decided to air all his dirty laundry immediately, and it turns out there's a lot of it. First, he and his wife admitted to having numerous affairs. They even held a press conference last week to do it, and then last night, he talked about a history of drug use. ... One good thing about this whole Eliot Spitzer mess is, we finally found out why New York is the city that never sleeps -- everyone's too busy having sex with each other there." --Jimmy Kimmel

"I want to clarify something. Ringling Brothers is a three-ring circus. Governor and Mrs. McGreevey are a three-way circus." --David Letterman

"You sure can tell that it's spring because Governor and Mrs. McGreevey had a foursome with Ben and Jerry." --David Letterman

"She now admits there were no snipers, yeah. And today, Bill Clinton said, 'Hey, if I knew there weren't any snipers, I wouldn't have sent her there in the first place.'" --Jay Leno

"No, Barack Obama will appear on 'The View' this Friday. Right, he thought his pastor was loud and opinionated. Oh, God. Wait 'til Joy gets hold of him." --Jay Leno

Speaking of old guys, how about that John McCain? I like John McCain. He looks like the guy who gets frisky with the new waitress at IHOP. ... He looks like the guy who watches his Cadillac go through the car wash. ... He looks like the guy in the supermarket yelling into his cell phone, 'I'm in aisle three, Marge. I can't find the brownie mix.'" --David Letterman

Everyone is so concerned now where all of the candidates are born. McCain was born on a military base in Panama. Hillary was born outside Chicago, and if you believe the media, Barack Obama was born in a manger." --Jay Leno

"There have been charges of foul play from both sides. Obama has accused Clinton of smearing him by implying that he's a Muslim or Muslim-sympathizer, and Clinton has accused Obama and his people of trying to dump a bucket of water on her and make her melt." --Jimmy Kimmel

Jon Stewart & Hillary Clinton: "This election is about judgment. Tomorrow is perhaps one of the most important days of your life, and yet you have chosen to spend the night before talking to me. Senator, as a host I'm delighted. As a citizen, frightened." Hillary Clinton, in response: "It is pretty pathetic"

College Administrator and Educators Define Kissing

2008-03-10T15:59:00.001-04:00

Prof. of Computer Science: A kiss is a few bits of love compiled into a byte.
Prof. of Algebra: A kiss is two divided by nothing.
Prof. of Geometry: A kiss is the shortest distance between two straight lines.
Prof. of Physics: A kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the expansion of the heart.
Prof. of Chemistry: A kiss is the reaction of the interaction between two hearts.
Prof. of Zoology: A kiss is the interchange of unisexual salivary bacteria.
Prof. of Physiology: A kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicular ors muscles in the state of contraction.
Prof. of Dentistry: A kiss is infectious and antiseptic.
Prof. of Accountancy: A kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned.
Prof. of Economics: A kiss is that thing for which the demand is higher than the supply.
Prof. of Statistics: A kiss is an event whose probability depends on the vital statistics of 36-24-36.
Prof. of Philosophy: A kiss is the persecution for the child, ecstasy for the youth and homage for the old.
Prof. of English: A kiss is a noun that is used as a conjunction; it is more common than proper; it is spoken in the plural and it is applicable to all.
Prof. of Engineering: Uh, What? I'm not familiar with that term.

Hooked On Phonics Joke

2008-01-25T09:18:00.000-05:00

Jake is five and learning to read.
He points at a picture in a zoo book and says, "Look Mama! It's a frickin' elephant!"Deep breath... "What did you call it?" "It's a frickin' Elephant, Mama!
It says so on the picture!"and so it does..." A f r i c a n Elephant "

Another good blonde joke -rates a 9 of 10

2007-10-19T16:51:00.000-04:00

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island. And for years and years they lived there, one day they find a magic lamp. They rub and rub and sure enough out comes a genie. The genie says, "Since I can only give out 3 wishes, you may each have one." So the brunette goes first, "I have been stuck here for years, I miss my family and my husband and my life. I wish I was home.", and POOF she is gone. The redhead makes her wish, "This place stinks, I wish I was home with my family also.", and POOF she is gone. The blonde starts crying uncontrollably. The genie says to her, "My dear what is the matter?" The blonde replies, "I wish my friends were here."

Fathers Can Relate

2007-08-30T22:06:00.001-04:00

A father and his small son were standing in front of the tiger's cage at the zoo. The father was explaining how ferocious and strong tigers are, and junior was taking it all in with a serious expression."Dad," the boy said, "if the tiger gets out of his cage and eats you up ...""Yes, son?" the father said expectantly."What bus should I take home?" the boy finished.

Environmentalist with Penguins ? nahh

2007-08-06T17:41:00.000-04:00

A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up. The gas pumper spots two penguins sitting in the back seat of the car.
He asks the driver, "What's up with the penguins in the back seat?"

The man in the car says "I found them. I asked myself what to do with them, but I haven't had a clue."

The clerk ponders a bit then says, "You should take them to the zoo."

"Hey, that's a good idea," says the man in the car and drives away.

The next day the man with the car is back at the same gas station. The clerk sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car.

"Hey, they're still here! I thought you were going to take them to the zoo."

"Oh, I did," says the driver, "And we had a swell time. Today I am taking them to the beach."

Letterman, Kimmel, Conan and Paris Hilton

2007-07-17T18:42:00.000-04:00

"In Spain this week, the annual Running of the Bulls was
held. This year, seven runners were gored by bulls. The
runners are doing fine, but the bulls can't stop laughing."
-Conan O'Brien

"Paris Hilton has a new shirt. It has a picture of herself.
That's so if she gets lost, she will remember who she is."
-Jimmy Kimmel

"It's summer time! Time to pack up the family and head out
to the water park to catch E. coli." -Dave Letterman

Little Johnny At It Again

2007-07-15T10:50:00.001-04:00

One day, Little Johnny's teacher, Miss Figpot asked the class if they could name some things you can suck!" "Ice cream, ma'am!" Little Mary answered. "Good, Mary." Miss Figpot said, "Anyone else?". "How about a lollipop!" said Steven. "Very good, now it's your turn Johnny!", the teacher said. Little Johnny, sitting at back then answered, "A lamp!". The teacher and all of the students wondered about his answer. The teacher asked him, "Johnny, why do you think one can suck a lamp?" Last night when I passed my parents room", Little Johnny answered, "I heard my mom say, turn off the lamp, honey and let me suck it."

Good for a laugh jokey joke

2007-07-14T16:53:00.000-04:00

A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer. "Certainly, sir, that'll be 1 cent." "One penny?!" exclaimed the guy. The barman replied, "Yes." So, the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks, "How about a nice juicy T-bone steak, with fries, peas, and a salad?" "Sure," replies the bartender, "that'll be four cents." "Four cents?!" exclaims the guy. "Where's the guy who owns this place?" The barman replies, "Upstairs with my wife." The guy says, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?" The bartender replies, "Same thing I'm doing to his business down here."

Puzzle Pundits

2007-07-07T08:50:00.000-04:00

Two men were sitting at a bar one day. They ordered their drinks and sat at the bar for a while. Suddenly, they both stood up, slapped hands, and yelled, "Fifty-five!" The bartender was pretty confused but just decided to ignore them.About five or ten minutes later, they both stood up again, slapped hands, and yelled, "Fifty-five!" Again the bartender just decided to ignore them.Ten minutes later they followed the same routine. By now the bartender was getting pretty annoyed, so he went over and asked, "Why do you guys keep standing up and yelling fifty-five?"One of them said, "Well, today after work we decided to work on a puzzle. On the side of the box it said 2 to 4 years, but we got it done in fifty-five minutes!"

A good joke about dogs and firefighters

2007-06-28T18:46:00.000-04:00

If 'H2O' is on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the outside?

'K9P'

Signs You Are Getting TOO OLD to DRIVE

2007-06-11T17:22:00.000-04:00

Signs You're Getting Too Old To Drive...

You think an SUV might be too small to be safe.

It takes more than four minutes to get out of your car.

When backing into a parking spot, you just back up until
you hear a crunch.

It scares you to drive the speed limit.

The only thing you pass on the road anymore is the Amish.

You use cruise control because your leg fell asleep.

You use cruise control at 25 mph.

You inquired if the dealership could install magnifying
glass for the windshield.

Your turn signal has been on since 2003.

Your bumper sticker endorses Eisenhower.

When the police pull you over, they're surprised to find
out you're sober.

Blonde with a thought - blonde jokes again

2007-02-21T11:22:00.000-05:00

A blonde on a train was reading a newspaper article
about life and death statistics.

Fascinated, she turned to the man next to her and said, "Did
you know that every time I breathe somebody dies?"

"Really!?" he said, "Have you tried mouthwash?"

Ch Ch Ch CH CHanges

2007-02-20T09:03:00.000-05:00

I dialed a number and got the following recording: "I am not available right now, but Thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the Beep. If I do not return your call, You are one of the changes."

Oh The Pub Was Laughing

2006-12-04T15:21:00.000-05:00

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night"

She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"

John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

Leno, Letterman and Conan Latest Greatest

2006-12-02T10:04:00.001-05:00

"Well, John Kerry, poor John Kerry – they had a survey, they had a poll testing the likeability of Democratic candidates and John Kerry, in this poll about likeability, finished dead last. Dead last, and you know, guys like this take this stuff seriously. I mean, he was very, very upset. He’s been walking around all day with a long face.”

"How about that Kim Jong-Il? Does he give you the creeps? If you think he's nuts, what about this brother, Menta Li-Il? I've told that joke a thousand times, I still love it. Well, anyway, the United States now – listen to this – has banned the sale of I-Pods to North Korea. And you thought President Bush didn't have a plan."

David Letterman

Hey what’s the difference between the Philadelphia Eagles and Billy Joel? Billy Joel will be playing at the Super Bowl.

SINCE SHE DUMPED HER HUSBAND, BRITNEY HAS BEEN HANGING OUT WITH PARIS HILTON. IS THAT REALLY A STEP UP FOR BRITNEY – PARIS HILTON? PARIS IS KIND OF AN AIRHEAD WITH NO JOB WHO PARTIES ALL THE TIME AND RECORDED A C.D. NO ONE WANTS TO LISTEN TO. SHE’S LIKE KEVIN FEDERLINE II.

Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick is in trouble after giving the finger to fans after Sunday’s game. The Browns quarterback tried doing the same thing but no one was in the stands.

Elton John had to go backstage for five minutes and throw up during a concert the other night. He then came back and finished the concert. You know what this means? Elton is pregnant.

Jsy Leno

President Bush’s Presidential Library is going to cost $500 million. That’s $100 million per book
Conan OBrien

the prostitute joke

2006-11-20T09:03:00.001-05:00

Once there was this guy from Glasgow who took a vacation to Aberdeen. While there, he met up with a prostitute. He got down & dirty with her. Afterwards, the prostitute said: "£100 pounds." The guy said: "No, here is £200." The prostitute responded: "You're so kind." Some days pass, and the guy met up with the same prostitute again and had sex again. The prostitute asked for £100, but the guy again says: "No, here's £200." The prostitute says: "You're so kind." More days pass, and the guy met up with the prostitute one last time to have sex. The prostitute says: "£100, please." The guy slaps her and hands her £200. The prostitute says: " you're so kind. Where are you from?" Guy says: "I'm from Glasgow." The prostitute says: "I am from there too." The guy says: "I know, your mum sent me to give you £600."

this is bush at his funniest

2006-11-12T11:35:00.001-05:00

Take in the best of Bush Gaffs

this is bush at his funniest

2006-11-12T11:35:00.000-05:00

Take in the best of Bush Gaffs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lKq3yjt6YHk

Virginians Only Politically Incorrect Joke On Lidle - Webb - Allen

2006-10-12T13:16:00.000-04:00

Cory Lidle Politically Incorrect JOKE for Virginians watching the senatorial race.

George Allen said "you can blame the tragedy in New York with Yankees Pitcher Cory Lidle on his liberal freinds, Jim Webb, Hillary Clinton, Ted Kennedy, and John Kerry.

(virginians I think might get that ...it's in every ad and was mentioned three times in the debate the other night)

Cory Lidle - Politically Incorrect Jokes

2006-10-12T13:03:00.000-04:00

Cory Lidle won't be the spokesman for Life Comes At You Fast

Investigators ruled out suicide because it was improbable that a Yankees Pitcher could actually hit a target.

Yet another thing for Yankees to blame on A-Rod

(i did not make these up...but guilty as charged for posting them)

Bush Campaign requests from who ?

2006-10-08T20:09:00.000-04:00

"The White House claims that President Bush is getting so many requests to campaign with other Republicans that he's running out of time. Not surprisingly, the requests are all coming from Democrats." - Conan O'Brien

A spokesman for the U.S. government said that it would soon issue terror alerts on Americans' wireless phones, explaining, "It'll be easy, since we're already on the line listening in."

"springsteen for secretary of state" robin williams

Best Bush Joke Of The Week

2006-10-06T17:01:00.000-04:00

Week Ending 10/06/2006

David Letterman
Bob Woodward claims that the Bush administration is in a state of denial. Today the Bush administration denied it.

Mark Foley Jokes

2006-10-06T17:00:00.001-04:00

Leno on Mark Foley
Mark Foley’s attorney is now blaming Foley’s behavior on alcohol. But apparently he wasn’t too drunk to send an email
People are now wondering what to do with Foley’s seat in congress. How about they start with Lysol? Then some Bactene. After that cover it with plastic.

Conan On Mark Foley
The latest on the Washington sex scandal involving Congressman Mark Foley – according to CNN Foley’s instant messages were not only inappropriate, but also were full of typos. In Foley’s defense, he said it was hard to type with one hand.

As Always the best comes from Letterman
Mark Foley is now in rehab. He says that once he gets out he wants to turn over a new "page

ABC's of getting old

2006-10-03T15:42:00.000-04:00

Most people are unwilling to sell their souls; but they usually aren't opposed to renting them out for an hour or two.

He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.

A's for arthritis;

B's the bad back,

C's the chest pains,

perhaps car-d-iac?

D is for dental decay and decline,

E is for eyesight, can't read that top line!

F is for fissures and fluid retention,

G is for gas which I'd rather not mention.

H is high blood pressure--I'd rather it low;

I is for incisions with scars you can show.

J is for joints, out of socket, won't mend,

K is for knees that crack when they bend.

L is for libido, what happened to sex?

M is for memory, I forget what comes next.

N is neuralgia, in nerves way down low;

O is for osteo, the bones that don't grow!

P is for prescriptions, I have quite a few, just give me a pill and I'll be good as new!

Q is for queasy, is it fatal or flu?

R is for reflux, one meal turns to two.

S is for sleepless nights, counting my fears,

T is for Tinnitus; there's bells in my ears!

U is for urinary; big troubles with flow;

V is for vertigo, that's "dizzy," you know.

W is for worry, now what's going 'round?

X is for X ray, and what might be found.

Y is another year I'm left here behind,

Z is for zest that I still have-- in my mind.

I've survived all the symptoms, my body's deployed,

And I am keeping twenty-six doctors fully employed

Husband and the Wife

2006-07-25T21:32:00.000-04:00

"Did your wife have much to say when you got home last night?"
"No, but that didn't keep her from talking for two hours."
*******
"Are you saying that your wife is outspoken?"
"Not by anyone I know of."
*******
Being a husband is like any other job . . .
It helps a lot if you like the boss.
*******
The honeymoon is over when he no longer smiles gently
as he scrapes the burnt toast.

Funny Pillow Joke`

2006-07-24T18:43:00.000-04:00

Newsflash
Did you hear about the corduroy pillows? They're making head lines across the nation!

Baby Planes Joke

2006-07-17T23:24:00.000-04:00

A mother and her young inquisitive son were flying Southwest Airlines
from Kansas City to Chicago. The son (who had been looking out the window)
turned to his mother and asked, "If dogs have baby dogs and cats have baby cats,
why don't planes have baby planes?"

The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the
flight attendant. So the boy dutifully asked the flight attendant, "If dogs have
baby dogs and cats have baby cats, why don't planes have baby planes?"

The flight attendant responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me
that?" The little boy admitted that she did. "Well, then, tell your mother that
there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time, and
she can explain that to you."

Pirates Of The Carribean Pirates Favorite Movies

2006-07-08T08:20:00.000-04:00

With Disney's Pirates doing boffo at the box office ..came across this list in my email.

The Favorite Movies of Pirates

Raiders of the Lost Arrrrrrk

Arrrrmageddon

Eyepatch Adams

Wench Kiss

The 40-Year-Old Bourbon

50 First Mates

Peggy Leg Got Married

Some Funny This & That

2006-07-08T08:18:00.000-04:00

Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

- A day without sunshine is like...night.

- On the other hand, you have different fingers

- 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

- 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

- Remember, half the people you know are below average.

- He who laughs last thinks slowest.

- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

- The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

- Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

- Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

- If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

- How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.

Rush Limbaugh Jokes Late Night Style

2006-06-27T08:53:00.000-04:00

Rush Limbaugh Is A Big Fat Idiot

"Rush Limbaugh is now in rehabilitation and it's going well. It's interesting, one minute you're Rush Limbaugh, great conservative radio talk show host, and the next day you're standing in line with other patients waiting for Darryl Strawberry's autograph." —David Letterman

"After a week of speculation in the press, Rush Limbaugh admitted that he is addicted to pain killers and I'm sorry to say, hoagies. Limbaugh blames his addiction on a botched back operation and lesbians." —Tina Fey
Happy birthday to Rush Limbaugh. He's 55 years old. You have to give Rush credit... He's probably the only Republican in the country with a cheap prescription drug plan." --Jay Leno

"Rush Limbaugh and his third wife has broken up. Apparently, she came home early and found him with their pharmacist." —Jay Leno

"Rush Limbaugh and his wife are divorcing and experts say this could get ugly. I'm confused, are they splitting up or having sex?" —Craig Kilborn

"Rush Limbaugh spoke out on the Iraqi prison pictures situation today. He said it's entirely generated by the media. What? Is this guy on drugs?" —Jay Leno

"Pretty ironic, that the only Republican with a prescription drug plan is Rush Limbaugh. Actually today Rush said he would have no comment on his drug problem until he could figure out a way to blame it on the Clintons." —Jay Leno

"Rush Limbaugh is a drug freak. Apparently, he was able to lose the 'big fat' part but not the 'idiot' part." —Jon Stewart

Recent Late Night Quips and funnies

2006-06-20T08:20:00.000-04:00

**"President Bush gave his weekly, regular radio address on Saturday and the theme was pro-marriage. And then right afterwards, Bill Clinton gave the rebuttal." --Jay Leno

"Did you hear about this? Homeland Security is cutting funding to New York City ... and raising funding for Nebraska. Well, at least the corn will sleep better." --David Letterman

"Do we need a constitutional amendment? Is that the most important issue facing the country today -- gay marriage? We were off last week, so apparently we must have caught bin Laden." --Jay Leno

"This was a little frightening. Over the weekend, the Royal Mounted police up in Canada ... busted a group of Canadian terrorists -- a Canadian al Qaeda group. About 19 of them. Their motto was: 'Death to America, ey?' ... The Canadian terrorist group was led by Canadian mastermind, Gordy bin Laden." --David Letterman

"Let's begin tonight right here in New York, New York. The city's so nice, it was attacked by international terrorists twice. So naturally, last week, the Department of Homeland Security ... announced a cut in anti-terrorism grants to New York and Washington, D.C. by 40%. ... Now to some, cutting anti-terror money to the two cities that have already suffered major terrorist attacks might sound, I don't know, insane. ... So, if New York's funding is being slashed, where is all the money going? Apparently, it's being used to boost the defense budgets of terrorist hot spots like Charlotte, Louisville and Omaha, Nebraska. Apparently, Homeland Security distributes the terror funds on the basis of what item your city has the world's largest ball of. ... Now, I can understand the concern over Omaha. That city is of course under constant threat from renowned Midwestern terrorist Omaha bin Laden." --Jon Stewart

"Former Enron founder Ken Lay and CEO Jeffrey Skilling found guilty in the Enron case. Ken Lay is so guilty I'm surprised people aren't calling him Congressman Ken Lay. Wait 'till these guys find out in prison that insider trading has a whole new meaning." --Jay Leno

If Only You Had Looked

2006-06-18T22:41:00.000-04:00

If Only You Had Looked
Two men waiting at the Pearly Gates strike up a conversation.

"How'd you die?" the first man asks the second.

"I froze to death," says the second.

"That's awful," says the first man. "How does it feel to freeze to death?"

"It's very uncomfortable at first," says the second man. "You get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it's a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you're sleeping. How about you, how did you die?"

"I had a heart attack," says the first man. "You see, I knew my wife was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom, and found her alone, knitting. I rushed down to the basement, but no one was hiding there. I ran up to the second floor, but found no one there either. I went as fast as I could to the attic, and just as I got there, I had a massive heart attack and died."

The second man shakes his head. "That's so ironic," he says.

"What do you mean?" asks the first man.

"If you had only stopped to look in the freezer, we'd both be still alive."

Check out AOL.com today. Breaking news, video search, pictures, email and IM. All on demand. Always Free.

Larry The Cable Guy Quotable

2006-06-17T00:03:00.000-04:00

Git-R-Done.

That made me madder than a legless Ethiopian watchin' a doughnut roll down a hill.

Lord, I apologize for that one there, and please be with all the starving Pygmies down there in New Guinea! Amen!

I don't care who you are that's funny right there. If you dont think that's funny you can get the hell out of here.

What the hell is this, Russia?

That's Right.

Do you believe that?

My sister is covered in moles. We used to just call her "Moley." Then she went down to the church and got herself saved. Now we call her "Holy Moley."

I believe the crippled stool is the Cadillac of the poopin' stools.

How'd you get tickets to the Tampon 400?

Well, I pulled some strings...

Let me ask some of these commie rag head carpet flying wicker basket on the head balancing scumbags something! Why do you hate us?

Remember when she had Tom Selleck on her program a while back? She blind-sided Tom Selleck! He's a good fella, ain't never hurt nobody, but he's in the NRA, so she hates that. She was like, 'Well, you're in the NRA. Let me tell you something, Tom: guns kill people!' Do you believe she said that? On the Rosie O'Fat*ss show! She looks right at him and says, 'Guns kill people!' Let me tell you something: husbands that come home early kill people! Alright? The gun was just sitting there! If guns kill people, I can blame misspelled words on my pencil! Git-r-done!

I once knew a gal named Vivian Welkner and she was a good friend and I thought she needed to know, well, I love her.

I'm happier than a tornado in a trailer park! (from the film Cars)

You don't always have to know where you are going, if you know where you've been. (from the film Cars)

I believe that Britney Spears should be one of Baskin Robbins' 31 flavors. Two scoops! (from "Rides Again")

Paul McCartney Divoce Funny Beatles Lyrics

2006-06-02T15:36:00.000-04:00

Paul McCartney and his wife of four years have separated.

The Beatles

The Top 30 Beatles Lyrics About Divorce

30> My attorneys, Maxwell, Silver & Hammer,
will come down upon your head.
My attorneys, Maxwell, Silver & Hammer,
will make you wish that your were dead.

29> And I don't care too much for money
Money can't buy me love.
Can't buy me lo--
Wait! What the hell am I saying?!?

28> You'd better give me your money,
Or I'll serve you some legal papers.
And when we're finished with negotiations,
You'll be broke, clown.

27> All you need: pre-nup.
All you need: pre-nup.
All you need: pre-nup, yup.
A pre-nup's all you need.

26> Maybe I'm amazed at the way you're after half my cash.
And maybe I'm afraid you'll probably get it.

25> Why don't we do it in the road?
Can you say, "Irreconcilable differences"?

24> Hey, dude, don't be a mouse --
Raise an objection about her blouse.
The minute the judge gets sight of those tits,
He'll lose his wits -- and me, my house.

23> Happiness is a warm gun -- and much more satisfying than a
court-ordered division of property.

22> Dear Sir or Madam, will you take my case
I used to love him now I can't stand his face.
Bathes on occasion, maybe once a year,
Man, I hate the slob, so I'm looking for a good divorce lawyer.

21> Yesterday, alimony seemed so far away.
Now it looks as though I'll pay and pay.
Where's my pre-nup from yesterday?

20> I have to admit it's getting bitter.
It's getting bitterer all the time.

19> I saw a lawyer today, oh boy.
Ten thousand pounds for only half an hour.
The news he offered made me sad:
"Paul, she even gets your grass."
Now I understand how John could make that Yoko Ono thing last.

18> You said, "Goodbye."
Now I say, "HELL NO!"

17> Jojo was a man who said he was a woman,
When he boinked another man.
The former Mrs. Jojo said he's got it coming
From Arskovitz & Moran.
Get back! Get back!
Get back at least 100 yards!

16> Will you depose me,
Will you just hose me,
When I'm 64?

15> Ooh, then you suddenly ditch me.
Ooh, now I've got to enrich you,
Every single day of my life.
Got to get you out of my life!

14> .deb ni ysuol saw lauP
.deb ni ysuol saw lauP

13> Busted marriage, money spent.
Got no future, just torment.
All the cash withdrawn, nowhere to go.
Lawyer's got me by the sack.
By Monday morning, jury's back.
The house belongs to her, nowhere to go.
And oh, that homeless feeling, nowhere to go.

12> Suddenly, I'm not half the man I used to be.
Since that gold-digger castrated me.

11> You say you want a dissolution, well, you know,
We both know this marriage blows.
But when it comes to retribution, well, you know,
I'll soon be paying through the nose.

10> Uniformed bailiffs appear at the door,
Coming to drag you away.
Look for the girl with your balls in her hand and she's gone.
Lucy got your jewels and diamonds.
Lucy got your jewels and diamonds.
Arghhhhhhh!

9> There goes old Heather, she goes sneakin' and fakin'.
She got dollar eyesight, she one bad ballbreaker.
She got lawyers crawling on their knees.
Better grab your wallet, 'cause it's gonna get squeezed.
Come together, right now, in courtroom 3.

8> Hey, you've got to hide your 401(k).

7> Golden ingots fill your eyes.
Piles await you as your prize.
Sue, little darling, don't be shy.
And I will kiss my loot goodbye.

6> Oh, my lawyer will tell you something,
I hope you'll understand.
You can keep the homes and autos...
I wanna own your band!

5> Day after day, he's over the hill.
A man with big wads of cash, but as for brains, he's got nil.
And nobody wants to know him,
They can see that he's just a fool.
First he let Linda sing some backup,
Now Heather's got him by the tool.

4> I'm licking a ho when my wife walks in.
I just can't stop philandering.
Now she will go-o.

3> When my penis gets me into trouble,
Lawyer Marty comes to me,
Speaking words of wisdom... for a fee.

2> I once had a wife, or should I say, she once had me.
She showed me her leg, it looked so real, Norwegian steel.

Number 1 Beatles Lyric About Divorce...

1> Sitting in a courtroom, waiting for the judge to come.
Cough up all your assets, stupid bloody cheater,
Man, you been a naughty boy, you let your zipper down.
I am the plaintiff. You're the defendant.
He's my attorney. OOH, OOH, YOU'RE SCREWED!

Funny Late Night Quotes

2006-05-31T20:48:00.000-04:00

"They found a sunken Roman city city off the coast of Egypt
that is 2,000 years old. They believe is happened during the
reign of Emperor Ray Nagin." --Jay Leno

                            ***

"The president of Mexico , Vincente Fox has arrived in the U.S. I thought
this was encouraging. He offered to take President Bush's
job for $3 an hour cash." --David Letterman

                            ***

"The Senate voted to make English the national language of
the United States. The vote drew protests from several im-
migrant groups and one governor of California."
--Conan O'Brien

Jokes To Offend Everyone

2006-05-25T13:20:00.000-04:00

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan
What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts
Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
10 years and 45 lbs
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and
good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of
driving
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
Everyone has the same DNA.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
Why do Redneck drivers' education classes meet only on Mondays, Wednesdays
and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses the car.
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a blond baby?
They named him "Sum Ting Wong".
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at
half-mast?
They're hiring.
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage
along with... "a recipe".
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern
fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time ..." -A southern fairytale
Begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit...."
Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides

Iran a nuclear threat ? its a joke

2006-05-08T20:52:00.000-04:00

Some Late Night Quips

"President Bush is denying that he's planning an air strike on Iran. So, you know what that means? He's planning an air strike on Iran." --David Letterman

"According to the New York Times, a commission due to report to President Bush this month will claim that our intelligence regarding Iran's weapon program is inadequate. Today Bush said 'Hey, good enough for me. Let's invade." --Jay Leno

"The bad news is Iran is capable of making a nuclear bomb. The good news is they have to drop it from a camel." --David Letterman

john mccain told this joke

2006-05-08T20:34:00.000-04:00

Senator John McCain really did tell this joke once ..thought of course at the time to be very tasteless:

"Why is Chelsea Clinton so ugly?
Because her father is Janet Reno."

George Bush Poem

2006-05-08T14:25:00.000-04:00

This following poem is composed entirely of actual quotes from George W. Bush.

Make the Pie Higher

I think we all agree, the past is over.
This is still a dangerous world.
It's a world of madmen
And uncertainty
And potential mental losses.

Rarely is the question asked
Is our children learning?
Will the highways of the internet
Become more few?
How many hands have I shaked?

They misunderestimate me.
I am a pitbull on the pantleg of opportunity.
I know that the human being and the fish
Can coexist.

Families is where our nation finds hope
Where our wings take dream.
Put food on your family!
Knock down the tollbooth!
Vulcanize society!
Make the pie higher!
Make the pie higher!

mothers day specials jokes for ladies

2006-05-07T13:03:00.000-04:00

Click Here for Good Funny Fun
Irritated Wife: What do you mean by coming home half drunk?
Hubby: It's not my fault...I ran out of money.

Diamonds are a girl's best friend. Dogs are man's best friend.
So which is the dumber sex?

Q. How may men does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Five, one to force it with a hammer and four to take him
to the emergency room.

Little Pedro

2006-04-13T13:28:00.000-04:00

It was the first day of school and a new student named Pedro Martinez, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the fourth grade. The teacher said,
"Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Pedro, who had his hand up.

"Patrick Henry, 1775."

"Very good!" apprised the teacher. "Now, who said, "Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth?"
Again, no response except from Pedro.

"Abraham Lincoln, 1863."

The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed! Pedro, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do!" She
heard a loud whisper.

"Screw the Mexicans!"

"Who said that?" she demanded. Pedro put his hand up.

"Jim Bowie, 1836."

At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke."

The teacher glared and asked, "All right! Now, who said that?"

Again, Pedro answered, George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."

Now furious, another student yelled, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"

Pedro jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouting to the teacher, "Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"

Now, with almost a mob hysteria, teacher said, "You little shit. If you
Say anything else, I'll kill you!"

Pedro frantically yelled at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001."

The teacher fainted, and as the class gathered around her on the floor,
someone said, "Oh shit, we're in BIG trouble now!"

Pedro whispered, "Saddam Hussein, 2003."

Finally someone throws a eraser at Pedro, someone shouted "Duck"! Teacher
asked "Who said that?"

Pedro, "Dick Cheney 2006."

Adelphia Cable On Hold and others

2006-04-11T12:40:00.000-04:00

Message from Adelphia Cable
Thank you for holding. This call may be monitored for quality purposes. Of course, if we really cared about quality we'd hire more people to answer the phone.

In an effort to make the Bush environmental record look good, Interior Secretary Gale Norton announced that under the Bush administration, there are now more wetlands than any time since 1954. Well yeah, if you count New Orleans. Jay Leno

To err is human, but screwing up things royally requires a computer.

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. --Mark Twain

When a man is trying to sell you something, don't imagine that he is that polite all the time. --Edgar Watson Howe

Better by far that you should forget and smile than that you should remember and be sad.

Flattery is all right--if you do not inhale.

Someday, hon, we'll look back on this mortgage and laugh. Thirty years from now, to be exact.

Doctor to patient: You should consider leaving the IRS. I don't get a heartbeat anymore.

I just threatened to run away, you don't have to pack my bags, mom!

Grocery Store Time Zones

2006-03-26T10:14:00.000-05:00

Grocery store time zones

6:00am - 9:00am : Commuters, baking-deficient parents

9:00am - 12:00pm : Stay-at-home parents, pre-school field trips

12:00pm - 3:00pm : Retirees, firefighters, self-employed

3:00pm - 6:00pm : Young singles, after-work shoppers without kids

6:00pm - 9:00pm : Exhausted parents with screaming children

9:00pm - 12:00am : Partygoers, baking parents, mothers taking a break

3:00am - 6:00am : Substance abusers

Gump Goes To Heaven

2006-03-22T20:12:00.000-05:00

The day finally arrived. Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are closed, and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.

St. Peter said, "Well, Forrest, it is certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we have been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get into Heaven."

Forrest responds, "It sure is good to be here, St. Peter, sir. But nobody ever told me about any entrance exam. I sure hope that the test ain't too hard. Life was a big enough test as it was."

St. Peter continued, "Yes, I know, Forrest, but the test is only three questions.

First: What two days of the week begin with the letter T?
Second: How many seconds are there in a year?
Third: What is God's first name?"

Forrest leaves to think the questions over. He returns the next day and sees St. Peter, who waves him up, and says, "Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers."

Forrest replied, "Well, the first one -- which two days in the week begins with the letter "T"? Shucks, that one is easy. That would be Today and Tomorrow."

The Saint's eyes opened wide and he exclaimed, "Forrest, that is not what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I did not specify, so I will give you credit for that answer. How about the next one?" asked St. Peter.

"How many seconds in a year? Now that one is harder," replied Forrest, but I thunk and thunk about that, and I guess the only answer can be twelve"

Astounded, St. Peter said, "Twelve? Twelve? Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?"

Forrest replied, "Shucks, there's got to be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd... "

"Hold it," interrupts St. Peter. "I see where you are going with this, and I see your point, though that was not quite what I had in mind....but I will have to give you credit for that one, too. Let us go on with the third and final question. Can you tell me God's first name"?

"Sure," Forrest replied, "it's Andy."

"Andy?" exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St Peter.

"Ok, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?"

"Shucks, that was the easiest one of all," Forrest replied. "I learnt it from the song, "ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN. . "

St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates, and said: "Run Forrest, run."

Give me a sense of humor, Lord.
Give me the ability to make people laugh and forget their troubles for a while. AMEN!

I Miss Bill Clinton ?

2006-03-22T20:07:00.000-05:00

"I Miss Bill" (come on this is funny!)
Republican or Democrat!!!
It doesn't matter what party you are, this is funny.
Monologue taken from a show on Canadian TV. There
was a black comedian who said he misses Bill Clinton.
"Yep, that's right - I miss Bill Clinton! He was the
closest thing we ever got to having a black man as
President.
Number 1- He played the sax.
Number 2- He smoked weed.
Number 3- He had his way with ugly white women.

Even now? Look at him... his wife works, and he don't!

And, he gets a check from the government every month.

Manufacturers announced today that they will be stocking
America's shelves this week with "Clinton Soup," in honor
of one of the nations' most distinguished men. It consists
primarily of a weenie in hot water.

Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line to
honor Bill Clinton:! The Dodge Drafter.
The Drafter will be built in Canada.

When asked what he thought about foreign affairs,
Clinton replied, I don't know, I never had one.....yet."

Clinton lacked only three things to become one of
America's finest leaders: integrity, vision, wisdom.

Clinton was doing the work of three men:
Larry,Curly and Moe.

The Clinton revised judicial oath: "I solemnly swear
to tell the truth as I know it, the whole truth as I
believe it to be, and nothing but what I think you
need to know."

Clinton will be recorded in history as the only
President to do Hanky Panky between the Bushes!

Preferred Sport Survey ?

2006-03-01T17:22:00.000-05:00

After a two year long study, the National Science Foundation announced the following results on corporate America's recreation preferences.

1. The sport of choice for unemployed or incarcerated people is: Basketball.

2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is: Bowling.

3. The sport of choice for front line workers is: Football.

4. The sport of choice for supervisors is: Baseball.

5. The sport of choice for middle management is: Tennis.

6. The sport of choice for corporate officers is: Golf.

Conclusion: The higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller the balls are.

Hollywood Squares

2006-02-17T09:26:00.000-05:00

HOLLYWOOD SQUARES (REMEMBER?)

If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this
may
bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are
from the
days when "Hollywood Squares" game show responses were spontaneous
and
clever; not scripted and they were never dull, as they are now.
Peter
Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.

Q. Do female frogs croak?

A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long
enough.

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high
should you
be?

A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. True or False: A pea can last as long as 5,000 years.

A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a
man or a
woman?

A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and
you
think

that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's
married?

A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?

A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love
You"?

A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your
hands
while talking?

A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and
I'll give
you a gesture you'll never forget.

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?

A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you
going to get
any during the first year?

A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?

A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist
camps.
One is politics, what is the other?

A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?

A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?

A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a
goose
do?

A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?

A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting
into the
habit of kissing a lot of people?

A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is
it?

A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't
neglected.

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his
head,
what was he trying to do?

A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or
your
elephant?

A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q. When a couple has a baby, who is responsible for its sex?

A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in
them
and has

actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?

A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do
in bed?

A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh.

Funny Virginia State Trooper

2006-02-17T09:21:00.000-05:00

A young woman was pulled over in Richmond, Virginia for speeding. As the VA State Trooper walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book, she looked at him and said, "I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the Virginia State Police Ball." He replied without missing a beat, "Ma'am Virginia State Troopers don't have balls." There was a moment of silence while she smiled and he realized what he'd just said. He then closed his book, got back in his patrol car and left. She was laughing too hard to start her car and drive away.

Best Funny Dick Cheney Jokes So Far

2006-02-16T09:35:00.000-05:00

"Good news, ladies and gentlemen, we have finally located weapons of mass destruction: It's Dick Cheney." --David Letterman, on Cheney's shooting accident.

"But here is the sad part -- before the trip Donald Rumsfeld had denied the guy's request for body armor." --David Letterman

"We can't get bin Laden, but we nailed a 78-year-old attorney." --David
Letterman

"The guy who got gunned down, he is a Republican lawyer and a big Republican donor and fortunately the buck shot was deflected by wads of laundered cash. So he's fine. He took a little in the wallet." --David Letterman

"Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot a man during a quail hunt ... making 78-year-old Harry Whittington the first person shot by a sitting veep since Alexander Hamilton. Hamilton, of course, (was) shot in a duel with Aaron Burr over issues of honor, integrity and political maneuvering. Whittington? Mistaken for a bird." --Jon Stewart

"Now, this story certainly has its humorous aspects. ... But it also raises a serious issue, one which I feel very strongly about. ... moms, dads, if you're watching right now, I can't emphasize this enough: Do not let your kids go on hunting trips with the vice president. I don't care what kind of lucrative contracts they're trying to land, or energy regulations they're trying to get lifted -- it's just not worth it." --Jon Stewart

"The Vice President is standing by his decision to shoot Harry
Whittington. Now, according to the best intelligence available, there were quail hidden in the brush. Everyone believed at the time there were quail in the brush. And while the quail turned out to be a 78- year-old man, even knowing that today, Mr. Cheney insists he still would have shot Mr. Whittington in the face. He believes the world is a better place for his spreading buckshot throughout the entire region of Mr. Wittington's face." --"Daily Show" correspondent Rob Corddry

"Dick Cheney accidentally shot a fellow hunter, a 78-year-old lawyer. In fact, when people found out he shot a lawyer, his popularity is now at 92 percent." --Jay Leno

"Cheney's defense is that he was aiming at a quail when he shot the guy. Which means that Cheney now has the worst aim of anyone in the White House since Bill Clinton." --Jay Leno

"I think Cheney is starting to lose it. After he shot the guy he screamed, 'Anyone else want to call domestic wire tapping illegal?'" --Jay Leno

"When the ambulance got there, out of force of habit they put Cheney on the stretcher. No, the other guy!" --Jay Leno

"Dick Cheney is capitalizing on this for Valentine's Day. It's the new Dick Cheney cologne. It's called Duck!" --Jay Leno

"He is a lawyer and he got shot in the face. But he's a lawyer, he can use his other face. He'll be all right." --Craig Ferguson

"You can understand why this lawyer fellow let his guard down,
because if you're out hunting with a politician, you think, 'If I'm going to get it, it's going to be in the back.'" --Craig Ferguson

"The big scandal apparently is that they didn't release the news for
18 hours. I don't think that's a scandal at all. I'm quite pleased about that. Finally there's a secret the vice president's office can keep." --Craig Ferguson

"Apparently the reason they didn't release the information right away is they said we had to get the facts right. That's never stopped them in the past." --Craig Ferguson

"You know what they say, if Dick Cheney comes out of his hole and shoots an old man in the face, six more weeks of winter." --Jimmy Kimmel

"The Vice President says that it was an accident. He claims the guy got in his line of fire, but the good news was he was delicious. Eat what you shoot!" --Jimmy Kimmel

"This is a great story. You've got the Vice President, a shotgun, a bunch of rich guys hunting tiny little birds. The only thing that could possibly make this story better is if he shot Michael Jackson." --Jimmy Kimmel

"The man who was shot is named Harry Whittington. He's a high powered
Republican lawyer, he was very lucky. They say the only reason that he wasn't killed is he was wearing the body armor that never got shipped to our troops." --Jimmy Kimmel

"But all kidding aside, and in fairness to Dick Cheney, every five years he has to shed innocent blood or he violates his deal with the devil." --Jimmy Kimmel

"So in summary, the Vice President of the United States shot a 78-year-old man in the face. Congratulations Mister Vice President, you are now a Crip." --Jimmy Kimmel

another blonde joke

2006-02-15T17:51:00.000-05:00

I deserve a first class seat
A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane. The stewardess rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job, and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica."

The disgusted stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica." The head stewardesses doesn't even know what to do at this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off; the blode is causing a problem with boarding now, so the stewardess gets the copilot.

The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head stewardess asks the copilot in amazement what he said to get her to move to her correct seat. The copilot replies, "I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't going to Jamaica."

Some facts

2006-02-13T18:53:00.000-05:00

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.(Hardly seems worth it.)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.(Now that's more like it!)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.(O.M.G.!)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)(I'm still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour(Don't try this at home,maybe at work)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field. (30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond? )Some lions mate over 50 times a day.(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)

Butterflies taste with their feet.(Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue. (Hmmmmmm......)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.(okay, so that would be a good thing)

A cat's urine glows under a black light.(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.(I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains(I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed. (If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (What about that pig??)

Cheney Has A Blast

2006-02-13T18:21:00.000-05:00

some of the best dick cheney jokes so far .....

As a public service , I feel I must inform you that hunting with a sitting vice president is hazardous to your health. Take every precaution when hunting with a sitting vice president. .....

Well... Bin Laden is still at large but Cheney has shot a 78 year old man. I don't know why Cheney did it...but the man who shot a man in Texas in the Johnny Cash song "Folsom Prison Blues" did it "just to watch him die." Al Franken

"My doctor took one look at my leg ..told me to enjoy breakfast here and go home...apparently the emergency room was full of people Dick Cheney shot" John Rogers said..."I know it was an accident ... the people he wants dead he strangles with his bare hands"

ALL kidding aside..it's great that they guy he shot is going to be ok, but if you don't think that there are going to be a ton of jokes about this... understand that Harry Whitington IS a lawyer. .. maybe Cheney took one of those lawyer jokes a bit too seriously.

2006-02-10T19:37:00.000-05:00

Chris Rock's Quote of the Year:> > "You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U. S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are > named ~Bush~, ~Dick~, and ~ Colon

Super Bowl Ads

2006-02-05T09:41:00.000-05:00

Super Bowl Ads We'd Like to See

5> Campbell's Chunky Soup: For a solid minute, Donovan McNabb's
mom slaps the holy crap out of Terrell Owens.

4> Capital One: "If a million people sign up for the new Capital
One Visa by halftime, we'll have our barbarians eviscerate
David Spade and that whiny, chubby twerp live on the
50-yard line during the last two-minute warning."

3> Moveon.org: A tearful George W. Bush, in full cowboy attire,
hugs a barrel of oil and says, "God, I wish I knew how to
quit you."

2> Pepto-Bismol: "Hi, this is John Madden. Let's talk about
erectile dysfunction."

1> Depend undergarments: "I'm John Elway. It's tough getting the
piss knocked out of you on national TV -- but nobody has to
know." (Close up of Elway's stain-free crotch as he gets up
from being sacked. He looks down, then smiles and winks.)

The Drip

2006-02-03T18:52:00.000-05:00

Things are always going wrong with a house. Yesterday, my wife called the plumber and when he came in he said, "Where's the drip?" She said, "Upstairs trying to fix the leak!"

Deathbed Confession

2006-01-26T16:32:00.000-05:00

Man On His Deathbed As he lay on his deathbed, the man confided to his wife, "I cannot die without telling you the truth. I cheated on you throughout our whole marriage. All those nights when I told you I was working late, I was with other women. And not just one woman either, but I've slept with dozens of them." His wife looked at him calmly and said, "Why do you think I gave you the poison?"

You Can Live To Be 80 ...if you want

2006-01-26T16:16:00.000-05:00

I recently picked a new primary care physician. After two visits and
exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly well for my age."

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, "Do
you think I'll live to be 80?"

He asked, "Well, do you smoke tobacco or drink beer or wine?" "Oh no," I
replied. "I'm not doing either."

Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?" I said,
"No, my other Doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!"

"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing,
hiking, or bicycling?" No, I don't," I said.

He asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?" "No,"
I said. "I don't do any of those things."

He looked at me and said, "Then why do you give a s**t if you live to be
80?"

Tiger Woods is a Witch ?

2006-01-26T16:13:00.000-05:00

Long ago when men cursed and beat the groundwith sticks, it was called witchcraft . . .
Today, it's called golf

How many members of the Bush administration does it take to change a light bulb?"

2006-01-24T18:57:00.000-05:00

How many members of the Bush administration does it take to change a light bulb?
"Ten."
1. One to deny that a light bulb needs to be changed;"
2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the light bulb needs to be changed;"
3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the light bulb;"
4. One to tell the nations of the world that they are either for changing the light bulb or for eternal darkness;"
5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton for the new light bulb;"
6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing on a step ladder under the banner 'Bulb Accomplished';"
7. One administration insider to resign and in detail reveal how Bush was literally 'in the dark' the whole time;"
8. One to viciously smear No. 7;"
9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush has had a strong light-bulb-changing policy all along;"
10. And finally, one to confuse Americans about the difference betweenscrewing a light bulb and screwing the country."

Sounds like ....

2006-01-23T22:57:00.000-05:00

I Thought You Were My Wife
A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her, placed his hand upher skirt and began fondling her. She jumped up and slapped him silly.He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her.""Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable son of a BITCH!" she screamed."Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."

clean bathrooms

2006-01-23T21:37:00.000-05:00

This woman was talking to her friend when she got back from her recent trip to Spokane, Washington. Her friend asked her how she liked Spokane.She answered, "I don't know, I never got there." So the friendsays, "You never got there... what do you mean?" She answers, "Youknow me, I have to stop at every rest area and they all say 'cleanbathrooms', well. . . it takes longer that you think!"

Late Night Nuggets

2006-01-22T11:13:00.000-05:00

"Here is an odd story. A dentist in Britain has been banned from practicing dentistry after she allowed her unlicensed and untrained boyfriend to perform dental work on patients. How amazing is that? They have dentists in Britain? Who knew?" --Jay Leno

"Did you see the "Skating With Celebrities" show tonight? What a great show. At the end of the show Tonya Harding shot Robert Blake." --Dave Letterman

Blonde Joke #1

2006-01-22T10:59:00.000-05:00

Blonde paint job
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started soliciting in a neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do."Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money."You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

Lawyer Joke

2006-01-21T11:07:00.000-05:00

Q. An ethical lawyer, an honest politician, and a merciful aerobics instructor all fall out of an airplane. Which one hits the ground first?

A. It doesn't matter - none of them exist.

Blonde Joke

2006-01-21T10:47:00.000-05:00

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of world capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them."
A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of London?"
The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: L."

Redneck Fishing

2006-01-20T15:07:00.000-05:00

Floods don't stop rednecks from fishing do they. What a funny and humorous picture.

Funny Comedy Joke Blog

Women Ass Size Study

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The age old question, lf an athlete gets athletes foot does an astronaut get missle toe ?

A duck bought some chapstick and the clerk says " will that be cash ?" and the duck says, "Just put it on my Bill"

Funniest comercial ever perhaps

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murphys law

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billy ray cyrus father of the year of hannah montana ? NOT

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Another good blonde joke -rates a 9 of 10

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Letterman, Kimmel, Conan and Paris Hilton

Little Johnny At It Again

Good for a laugh jokey joke

Puzzle Pundits

A good joke about dogs and firefighters

Signs You Are Getting TOO OLD to DRIVE

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this is bush at his funniest

this is bush at his funniest

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Bush Campaign requests from who ?

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another blonde joke