Little Pedro

It was the first day of school and a new student named Pedro Martinez, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the fourth grade. The teacher said,
"Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Pedro, who had his hand up.

"Patrick Henry, 1775."

"Very good!" apprised the teacher. "Now, who said, "Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth?"
Again, no response except from Pedro.

"Abraham Lincoln, 1863."

The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed! Pedro, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do!" She
heard a loud whisper.

"Screw the Mexicans!"

"Who said that?" she demanded. Pedro put his hand up.

"Jim Bowie, 1836."

At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke."

The teacher glared and asked, "All right! Now, who said that?"

Again, Pedro answered, George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."

Now furious, another student yelled, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"

Pedro jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouting to the teacher, "Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"

Now, with almost a mob hysteria, teacher said, "You little shit. If you
Say anything else, I'll kill you!"

Pedro frantically yelled at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001."

The teacher fainted, and as the class gathered around her on the floor,
someone said, "Oh shit, we're in BIG trouble now!"

Pedro whispered, "Saddam Hussein, 2003."

Finally someone throws a eraser at Pedro, someone shouted "Duck"! Teacher
asked "Who said that?"

Pedro, "Dick Cheney 2006."

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In an effort to make the Bush environmental record look good, Interior Secretary Gale Norton announced that under the Bush administration, there are now more wetlands than any time since 1954. Well yeah, if you count New Orleans. Jay Leno

To err is human, but screwing up things royally requires a computer.

Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education. --Mark Twain

When a man is trying to sell you something, don't imagine that he is that polite all the time. --Edgar Watson Howe

Better by far that you should forget and smile than that you should remember and be sad.

Flattery is all right--if you do not inhale.

Someday, hon, we'll look back on this mortgage and laugh. Thirty years from now, to be exact.

Doctor to patient: You should consider leaving the IRS. I don't get a heartbeat anymore.

I just threatened to run away, you don't have to pack my bags, mom!