Another good blonde joke -rates a 9 of 10

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island. And for years and years they lived there, one day they find a magic lamp. They rub and rub and sure enough out comes a genie. The genie says, "Since I can only give out 3 wishes, you may each have one." So the brunette goes first, "I have been stuck here for years, I miss my family and my husband and my life. I wish I was home.", and POOF she is gone. The redhead makes her wish, "This place stinks, I wish I was home with my family also.", and POOF she is gone. The blonde starts crying uncontrollably. The genie says to her, "My dear what is the matter?" The blonde replies, "I wish my friends were here."

Fathers Can Relate

A father and his small son were standing in front of the tiger's cage at the zoo. The father was explaining how ferocious and strong tigers are, and junior was taking it all in with a serious expression."Dad," the boy said, "if the tiger gets out of his cage and eats you up ...""Yes, son?" the father said expectantly."What bus should I take home?" the boy finished.

Environmentalist with Penguins ? nahh

A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up. The gas pumper spots two penguins sitting in the back seat of the car.
He asks the driver, "What's up with the penguins in the back seat?"

The man in the car says "I found them. I asked myself what to do with them, but I haven't had a clue."

The clerk ponders a bit then says, "You should take them to the zoo."

"Hey, that's a good idea," says the man in the car and drives away.

The next day the man with the car is back at the same gas station. The clerk sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car.

"Hey, they're still here! I thought you were going to take them to the zoo."

"Oh, I did," says the driver, "And we had a swell time. Today I am taking them to the beach."

Letterman, Kimmel, Conan and Paris Hilton

"In Spain this week, the annual Running of the Bulls was
held. This year, seven runners were gored by bulls. The
runners are doing fine, but the bulls can't stop laughing."
-Conan O'Brien

"Paris Hilton has a new shirt. It has a picture of herself.
That's so if she gets lost, she will remember who she is."
-Jimmy Kimmel

"It's summer time! Time to pack up the family and head out
to the water park to catch E. coli." -Dave Letterman

Little Johnny At It Again

One day, Little Johnny's teacher, Miss Figpot asked the class if they could name some things you can suck!" "Ice cream, ma'am!" Little Mary answered. "Good, Mary." Miss Figpot said, "Anyone else?". "How about a lollipop!" said Steven. "Very good, now it's your turn Johnny!", the teacher said. Little Johnny, sitting at back then answered, "A lamp!". The teacher and all of the students wondered about his answer. The teacher asked him, "Johnny, why do you think one can suck a lamp?" Last night when I passed my parents room", Little Johnny answered, "I heard my mom say, turn off the lamp, honey and let me suck it."

Good for a laugh jokey joke

A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer. "Certainly, sir, that'll be 1 cent." "One penny?!" exclaimed the guy. The barman replied, "Yes." So, the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks, "How about a nice juicy T-bone steak, with fries, peas, and a salad?" "Sure," replies the bartender, "that'll be four cents." "Four cents?!" exclaims the guy. "Where's the guy who owns this place?" The barman replies, "Upstairs with my wife." The guy says, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?" The bartender replies, "Same thing I'm doing to his business down here."

Puzzle Pundits

Two men were sitting at a bar one day. They ordered their drinks and sat at the bar for a while. Suddenly, they both stood up, slapped hands, and yelled, "Fifty-five!" The bartender was pretty confused but just decided to ignore them.About five or ten minutes later, they both stood up again, slapped hands, and yelled, "Fifty-five!" Again the bartender just decided to ignore them.Ten minutes later they followed the same routine. By now the bartender was getting pretty annoyed, so he went over and asked, "Why do you guys keep standing up and yelling fifty-five?"One of them said, "Well, today after work we decided to work on a puzzle. On the side of the box it said 2 to 4 years, but we got it done in fifty-five minutes!"

Signs You Are Getting TOO OLD to DRIVE

Signs You're Getting Too Old To Drive...

You think an SUV might be too small to be safe.

It takes more than four minutes to get out of your car.

When backing into a parking spot, you just back up until
you hear a crunch.

It scares you to drive the speed limit.

The only thing you pass on the road anymore is the Amish.

You use cruise control because your leg fell asleep.

You use cruise control at 25 mph.

You inquired if the dealership could install magnifying
glass for the windshield.

Your turn signal has been on since 2003.

Your bumper sticker endorses Eisenhower.

When the police pull you over, they're surprised to find
out you're sober.

Blonde with a thought - blonde jokes again

A blonde on a train was reading a newspaper article
about life and death statistics.

Fascinated, she turned to the man next to her and said, "Did
you know that every time I breathe somebody dies?"

"Really!?" he said, "Have you tried mouthwash?"

Ch Ch Ch CH CHanges

I dialed a number and got the following recording: "I am not available right now, but Thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the Beep. If I do not return your call, You are one of the changes."