Funny Late Night Quotes

"They found a sunken Roman city  city off the coast of Egypt  
that is 2,000 years old. They believe is happened during the  
reign of Emperor Ray Nagin." --Jay Leno  


"The president of Mexico , Vincente Fox has arrived in the U.S. I thought  
this was encouraging. He offered to take President Bush's  
job for $3 an hour cash." --David Letterman  


"The Senate voted to make English the national language of  
the United States. The vote drew protests from several im-  
migrant groups and one governor of California."  
--Conan O'Brien 

More Cowbell SNL video

Saturday Night LIve

A friend of mine had not heard of this famous SNL skit about Blue Oyster Cult and More Cowbell. here is a link that someone has posted the video on their site.

Saturday Night LIve

Jokes To Offend Everyone

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan
What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
10 years and 45 lbs
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and
Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
Everyone has the same DNA.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
Why do Redneck drivers' education classes meet only on Mondays, Wednesdays
and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses the car.
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a blond  baby?
They named him "Sum Ting Wong".
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at
They're hiring.
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage
along with... "a recipe".
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F  word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time ..." -A southern fairytale
Begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit...."
Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides

Iran a nuclear threat ? its a joke

Some Late Night Quips

"President Bush is denying that he's planning an air strike on Iran. So, you know what that means? He's planning an air strike on Iran." --David Letterman

"According to the New York Times, a commission due to report to President Bush this month will claim that our intelligence regarding Iran's weapon program is inadequate. Today Bush said 'Hey, good enough for me. Let's invade." --Jay Leno

"The bad news is Iran is capable of making a nuclear bomb. The good news is they have to drop it from a camel." --David Letterman

john mccain told this joke

Senator John McCain really did tell this joke once ..thought of course at the time to be very tasteless:

"Why is Chelsea Clinton so ugly?
Because her father is Janet Reno."

George Bush Poem

This following poem is composed entirely of actual quotes from George W. Bush.

Make the Pie Higher

I think we all agree, the past is over.
This is still a dangerous world.
It's a world of madmen
And uncertainty
And potential mental losses.

Rarely is the question asked
Is our children learning?
Will the highways of the internet
Become more few?
How many hands have I shaked?

They misunderestimate me.
I am a pitbull on the pantleg of opportunity.
I know that the human being and the fish
Can coexist.

Families is where our nation finds hope
Where our wings take dream.
Put food on your family!
Knock down the tollbooth!
Vulcanize society!
Make the pie higher!
Make the pie higher!

mothers day specials jokes for ladies

Click Here for Good Funny Fun
Irritated Wife: What do you mean by coming home half drunk?
Hubby: It's not my fault...I ran out of money.

Diamonds are a girl's best friend. Dogs are man's best friend.
So which is the dumber sex?

Q. How may men does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Five, one to force it with a hammer and four to take him
to the emergency room.