"In Spain this week, the annual Running of the Bulls was
held. This year, seven runners were gored by bulls. The
runners are doing fine, but the bulls can't stop laughing."
"Paris Hilton has a new shirt. It has a picture of herself.
That's so if she gets lost, she will remember who she is."
"It's summer time! Time to pack up the family and head out
to the water park to catch E. coli." -Dave Letterman
One day, Little Johnny's teacher, Miss Figpot asked the class if they could name some things you can suck!" "Ice cream, ma'am!" Little Mary answered. "Good, Mary." Miss Figpot said, "Anyone else?". "How about a lollipop!" said Steven. "Very good, now it's your turn Johnny!", the teacher said. Little Johnny, sitting at back then answered, "A lamp!". The teacher and all of the students wondered about his answer. The teacher asked him, "Johnny, why do you think one can suck a lamp?" Last night when I passed my parents room", Little Johnny answered, "I heard my mom say, turn off the lamp, honey and let me suck it."
A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer. "Certainly, sir, that'll be 1 cent." "One penny?!" exclaimed the guy. The barman replied, "Yes." So, the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks, "How about a nice juicy T-bone steak, with fries, peas, and a salad?" "Sure," replies the bartender, "that'll be four cents." "Four cents?!" exclaims the guy. "Where's the guy who owns this place?" The barman replies, "Upstairs with my wife." The guy says, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?" The bartender replies, "Same thing I'm doing to his business down here."
Two men were sitting at a bar one day. They ordered their drinks and sat at the bar for a while. Suddenly, they both stood up, slapped hands, and yelled, "Fifty-five!" The bartender was pretty confused but just decided to ignore them.About five or ten minutes later, they both stood up again, slapped hands, and yelled, "Fifty-five!" Again the bartender just decided to ignore them.Ten minutes later they followed the same routine. By now the bartender was getting pretty annoyed, so he went over and asked, "Why do you guys keep standing up and yelling fifty-five?"One of them said, "Well, today after work we decided to work on a puzzle. On the side of the box it said 2 to 4 years, but we got it done in fifty-five minutes!"