"Well, John Kerry, poor John Kerry – they had a survey, they had a poll testing the likeability of Democratic candidates and John Kerry, in this poll about likeability, finished dead last. Dead last, and you know, guys like this take this stuff seriously. I mean, he was very, very upset. He’s been walking around all day with a long face.”
"How about that Kim Jong-Il? Does he give you the creeps? If you think he's nuts, what about this brother, Menta Li-Il? I've told that joke a thousand times, I still love it. Well, anyway, the United States now – listen to this – has banned the sale of I-Pods to North Korea. And you thought President Bush didn't have a plan."
Hey what’s the difference between the Philadelphia Eagles and Billy Joel? Billy Joel will be playing at the Super Bowl.
SINCE SHE DUMPED HER HUSBAND, BRITNEY HAS BEEN HANGING OUT WITH PARIS HILTON. IS THAT REALLY A STEP UP FOR BRITNEY – PARIS HILTON? PARIS IS KIND OF AN AIRHEAD WITH NO JOB WHO PARTIES ALL THE TIME AND RECORDED A C.D. NO ONE WANTS TO LISTEN TO. SHE’S LIKE KEVIN FEDERLINE II.
Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick is in trouble after giving the finger to fans after Sunday’s game. The Browns quarterback tried doing the same thing but no one was in the stands.
Elton John had to go backstage for five minutes and throw up during a concert the other night. He then came back and finished the concert. You know what this means? Elton is pregnant.
President Bush’s Presidential Library is going to cost $500 million. That’s $100 million per book